Confessions of a Procrastinator

Saturday 30th November

There's a feeling I get whenever I see live theatre or music. It's a feeling of complacency. Of envy. That someone is out there doing what they want to but I'm not. It's not for want of external support. As Taylor Swift would say, "It's me, Hi, I'm the problem it's me."

That feeling was never as strong as today.

I'm too settled, too comfortable. Change is not a negative word but it feels out of my reach at the moment. I can think of a thousand excuses, most are mine, some are second hand - by which I mean they belong to other people and I have adopted them as my own. I'm stagnated. That's the right word.

In my dreams, I am so much more, it's reality that falls short.

Most of my problems come down to procrastination.

In fact, I believe I wrote about that before but I've never done anything with it. I'm a half-job Hattie. I feel the urge to do more but I lack the drive. It's when I see live music that I have the urge to be productive so that I can manage my time better. More like manage myself better.